A Real Guy’s Night


Jordan came down on Sunday. You may remember him from such appearances as The Best Night Ever, or The Time I Split My Head Open.

Obviously, things were doomed from the get-go.

It was meant to be a fairly quiet night. Jordan had a job interview in the morning. He came over late in the afternoon to catch up. Later, Sam called and invited us out to his place for dinner. We went, with the intention of coming back to catch a movie, and just have an overall quiet night.

We stopped in at the supermarket to pick up a bottle of red. Most likely the worst move.

Dinner was a very boysy time. Apart from Richard’s girlfriend, and drinking wine, of course. We (well, they) talked cars. Watched Top Gear. Chilled out. Went through the wine.

Two bottles didn’t really last the distance. We went to get another.

Eventually it was just us three guys, watching TV and drinking.

Jordan uttered those fateful words.

“If I didn’t have a job interview in the morning, I could drink all night”.

So we did.

Drinking, laughing, farting, and eventually, watching porn.

A real guys night.

Sam went off to bed at some stage. We decided to raid his hard drive for more movies. He wasn’t impressed, but we were too drunk to really care.

We continued on drinking, and suddenly, it was 7am.

Next thing I knew, it was 8.30, Jordan was waking me up. I was completely out of it, didn’t even know what was happening. We needed to leave, and quick, to get to his interview on time. One and a half hours sleep, that was the worst thing that we could have done. Had we simply not slept, we would not have been nearly as fucked as we were that morning. Jordan managed to get himself in a semi-decent state, having a shower and breakfast, I just bundled myself into the car.

The drive into town was long. The various types of alcohol ingested during the night were not doing happy things in my stomach. I spent the entire time trying to not be sick.

I’m sure I must have been green.

Finally, we came into town. Jordan headed towards my place. We got to my street. I couldn’t take it any more. I tapped him on the shoulder, and gestured furiously until he pulled over. I lurched out of the car and let it rip.

I vomited until nothing but bile was coming up.

Jordan left for his interview, how he did it I have no idea. He’s a stronger man than I, that’s for sure.

I stumbled home, stopping a couple of times to retch and spit.

Finally, home, I fell into bed, praying that the world would stop spinning and hoping to sleep for the rest of the day.

October 8, 2005 | Filed Under Alcoholic, Classic 

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