Exemplary Customer Service

This weekend saw the beginning of the school holidays. The cafe I work in is smack in the middle of a museum, and school holidays mean one thing - two weeks of being incredibly busy, with lines out the door that never go away, screaming kids, stressed out parents, and a basic disregard for most tenets of customer service.

We try. We do. Except, on days when it rains, the ground in the cafe opens up and demons from hell pour in. We’re only human. We can only take so much. Here’s a few tips to make everything run smoother.

If there is a line out the door, don’t bother complaining about the wait. I already knew about it, you already knew about it.

If there is a line out the door, don’t expect that the very next coffee to be made will be yours. It won’t be. It only takes a second to look up and see that I am moving in a blur of speed, and that I have a long line of orders to be made first. Once again, you know there’s a little wait. There’s no point complaining.

Look at me again. See how fast I’m moving? See how I don’t stop? Do you really think I could move any faster? Not likely. Coming and asking where your coffee is is a bit stupid. I’m a human, not a robot. There’s only one of me. Be patient.

Ok, so every now and then I might pause for 20 seconds. I use this time to stretch, and have a sip of water. Your coffee is not, and never will be, important enough to warrant me getting painful RSI which will curse me for years. Or to allow me to die from dehydration.

Coming and asking where you coffee is just slows me down. I have to pause. And think. And look for numbers. And hesitate before speaking so that the inner “Fuck off” translates into “As you can see we’re quite busy, you’re coffee is about 4 minutes away.”

It would help things immensely if you ordered exactly what you wanted at the till. Don’t come and tell me additions or modifications. If it’s not on the ticket, it’s not happening. Asking for a pot of hot water once you’ve received your coffee is just annoying. You knew you were going to want it when you ordered. Why didn’t you ask for it then?

If you forget to order something, don’t come and expect me to be able to add something on. If you’d been paying attention, you would have seen that I have about 8 million coffees to make. I’m not about to stop and serve you. There’s a queue. I know it sucks. But I can’t be held responsible for your forgetfulness. Maybe, while you wait in the queue, you’ll learn for next time.

If, when choosing where to sit you see some tables covered in dishes, and some not, do not sit at the ones with dishes and insist we clear it for you. You’ll get very little sympathy. The very fact that there are dishes on some of the tables mean that we’re quite busy, but we’re trying. We’re clearing as fast as we can. And no, I’m not going to stop making coffees to clear your table for you. That will just generate more complaints from people who are waiting. Please, use your head.

If you arrive an hour before we close, and its obvious we’ve had an incredibly busy day, don’t complain that we have no savoury food left. Enquire if there’s any left, by all means, but don’t get all offended that we sold out. It was your choice to come after everybody else. If you had lunch at a normal time rather than at 4.30pm, then there would have been a lot of nice food to choose from.

Never, ever assume that anything is complimentary. Be it marshmellows, or drinks for your children. Just because your cafe back home doesn’t charge for fluffies does not mean we don’t. Yes they’re expensive. They’re annoying to make. And result often in a lot of wasted milk. Also, if your young child asks you for something while you’re ordering, make sure you explicitly order it. We’re not going to assume they’re allowed it - that would cause problems. So the child asked you for a fluffy. You never ordered it. Never even mentioned it the three times your order was repeated to you. Why do you think we would assume you wanted it? Would it be the same if the child had asked for coke?

Ok, so I must sound quite bitter, and like I would be a terrible employee for a cafe. In my defense this is only on days when we’re getting absolutely slammed. If it is a regular day where everyone can breathe normally, there’s no trouble. Make as many silly requests as you like. I’ll answer them politely. Without my inner rage igniting.

I slept well that night, I can tell you.

September 24, 2007 | Filed Under Bitch

Comments

6 Responses to “Exemplary Customer Service”

Shannon on September 25th, 2007 8:40 am

Ben embraces his inner rage…and channels it into awesome coffee. And that’s why you’re the God of Coffee.
jayne d'Arcy on September 25th, 2007 11:20 am

I’d like a Hazelnut Frappacino and I’ll go clear those dishes off that table myself.
Ben on September 25th, 2007 11:24 am

I like your sentiment.

But you would probably get the stare. Only cos we’re not Starbucks (and don’t have any iced drinks - which is stupid I know, but we don’t have room for a freezer.)
Adey on September 26th, 2007 10:58 am

You cant appreciate customer service until you have worked in customer service yourself
Darlene on September 26th, 2007 2:52 pm

I enjoyed your post! It’s common sense…but I guess most people have zero common sense….
Ben on September 26th, 2007 11:18 pm

I’m beginning to think that Common Sense per se doesn’t exist.

Rather, there’s elite sense, not that people think they’re better than everyone else (though they do…) but rather that ’sense’ in general is restricted to the intelligent few.