Poor Steven Seagal

I keep seeing articles talking about how the FBI destroyed Steven Seagal’s career, how he went form big time action movie hero to dtraight to dvd has-been.

You gotta feel for the guy.

I mean, look at his contemporaries - Bruce Willis just did Die Hard 4.0, Syvester Stallone did Rocky Balboa, both sucessful box office hits.

Seagal starred in Attack Force.

Ever heard of it?

Neither.

What do you do when you are a washed up action movie star with little future prospects on the silver screen?

You start playing the blues. And, of course, you say you’ve always been a blues-man, never mind the action movie career. And the whole complaining of the way it went away.

He’s not overly bad, really. I mean, it sounds like he might be able to sing. And play a few decent licks. He’s even played with greats like Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, and Bo Diddly shows up on his CD ‘Mojo Priest.’

I still have trouble getting past the fact its him though. Keep expecting him to be attacked by hundreds of ninjas or whatever.

Not the bluesiest song, but everything else has fairly bad sound quality.
Check out how amazingly mutli-racial the video is though, can anyone say Politically Correct?

Apparently he’s working on a new action movie. About the blues.

Is it wrong of me to want him to smash someone over the head with a guitar?

September 6, 2007 | Filed Under Guitar, Movies | 1 Comment 

Dave Navarro: Porn mogul?


Apparently Dave Navarro’s taking a break from the music industry for a while, so he can focus on new projects.

Like directing a porn film.

He’ll be directing the feature-length film Broken on the Teravision label. Sounds like the perfect title for him.

He says:

”I have missed the sense of danger and edge in the music business for many years and working on this project reminded me a lot of the old days when we were just a bunch of kids in Hollywood playing the clubs, getting our hands dirty and raising some eyebrows along the way.”

Yeah, sounds like a massive publicity stunt if you ask me.

Either that, or he really is as dirty and shallow as he always appeared. I guess he’s been the face of guitar wankery for a while, it’s about time he progressed to straight wankery.

I just have to quote this as well…

Released in September, the movie’s lead star is Sasha Grey, who according to AVN.com stars as “a woman torn apart by the duality of control and powerlessness in her life.” Grey has previously starred in such delights as ‘In Through The Backdoor’, ‘Gang Bang my Face’ and the brilliantly titled ‘Cum Fart Cocktails #5’.

Porn titles are disturbing.

Anyway, got the info here - read some of the comments, they’re absolutely hilarious.

Such as this:

Wasn’t “Cum Fart Cocktails #5″ nominated for the Oscar for best screenplay and best cinematography? Anyway, it was a harrowing tale. I wept like a small, defenseless child at the end.

Brilliant stuff.

August 30, 2007 | Filed Under Humour, Movies | Leave a Comment 

Yippee ki-ay

diehard4.jpg

Die Hard 4.0.

You knew it was gonna be good.

20 Years later, the first three movies are still great. There’s no way they could fuck this one up if they used the same formula.

If anything, it was even better.

The usual amazing, death defying, completely unrealistic stunts (like jumping from a collapsing bridge onto a Jet) that leave you going “fuck yeah!.”

The same kickass classic fight scenes. I even read that in one scene Willis and the stunt girl miss-timed a kick, and a high heel went through his cheek.

The movie rocked.

And I watched, sunken into a massive lazy-boy, my feet up, with almost metres of space around me in the cinema, complemented by unlimited drink and popcorn (probably a ploy to make you miss as much of the movie as possible thus inciting a second viewing).

The ticket may have been expensive. More than double the regular price.

It may have led to girls talking about my “wee-wee.”

But fuck, it was worth it.

August 25, 2007 | Filed Under Movies | Leave a Comment